Samantha: 115 Months, Week 1
Aedan: 82 Months, Week 4
Owen: 39 Months, Week 1
Sunday, December 20th was the last day of Ben's and my trip to New York City. We didn't have too many other plans, so we enjoyed sleeping in, eating breakfast in our hotel room, walked around in Bryant Park and enjoyed some hot coffee, then walked to see the iconic Macy's store where the Thanksgiving Day parade passes by. After that we took the subway to the 9/11 Memorials. It was neat to see that, even though we decided we didn't need to spend the time or money on going into the museum.
It was a fun way to spend our morning and early afternoon walking around and exploring different parts of New York City. We had a fun, full weekend together, but we wanted to be back be around dinnertime that night, so we decided to head back toward where we parked and head home. The great thing about where we live is that it is only 2 1/2 hours to get to New York City, so we will be able to come back many other times over the years.
Monday, December 21st was the big day for our little peanut. At first, we were told the court hearing for reunification was on Tuesday, December 22nd, but apparently they had told us the wrong date all along. The communication has not been great during this placement. The hearing started at 9:00, and Ben's parents were still around our house, getting packed up and ready to head back home. We were able to be a part of the hearing, even though it was done through teleconference, which felt a little bit anticlimactic. It would have been nice to be face to face with the lawyers, judge, and birth parents again. By 9:30, all the evidence was presented, and all three girls, our little peanut included, were returned home with bio mom. Apparently bio dad was also granted unsupervised time, approved by CYS, so a lot changed from just one hearing. Again, this is what we were anticipating happening, but it just seemed so surreal. We were glad for the birth parents and congratulated them on getting their children back, but we were still incredibly sad that we didn't have our little peanut anymore, and we prayed that things would go well with them as they learn to take care of a baby more full time, and that we would still be able to keep in touch with them if at all possible.
With this being the week leading up to Christmas, the kids had lots of fun activities at school to celebrate. On Monday all the kids in the school wore pajamas because it was "Polar Express" day and all the kids were going to watch the movie, get their tickets punched by Mr. James, the principal who was dressed up like the conductor, and have special snacks and a day of fun activities. Here is Aedan wearing his Ninja Turtle pajamas in the middle of this picture.
With our little peanut officially back home with her mom, it was time to organize and put away all the baby stuff we had out and used for her while she lived with us for almost 6 months. I had a lot to do, and I had to just get it all cleaned, folded and put into like piles before I could decide how to box it up and put it all away. It's amazing how much stuff you use to care for a baby! Our plan was to move Aedan back into his old room and let Samantha and Aedan have some time apart before deciding what we were going to do about maybe moving Aedan into Owen's room when we decided to put our names back on the list to receive placement calls again. We weren't sure exactly how long we wanted to take a break, but we knew it would be good to give ourselves some time to process, reflect, recover, and have time with just our family of five for a little while.
As I was going through all the stuff we used for our little peanut, it was hard and sad because her mom technically checked all the boxes for reunification, but we still felt like she was going to have a hard time providing for her and caring for her like we were and would have. However, in my conversation with bio mom before the court hearing, we invited her to come to our Christmas Eve service at Restored, and she was excited to be able to come with her three girls. Bio mom says that she wants to stay in touch with us because we are the best people she knows, and I hope she means that. We are excited to be able to see our little peanut again on Christmas Eve, as the kids, especially Samantha, already miss her terribly and are asking when we get to see her again.
Here is some of the work the kids brought home from school that day. Aedan is working on making values equal in math equations. Samantha practiced drawing proportions using a gingerbread house, and then learned how to draw a Harry Potter picture, which is very nicely done, had a science review packet, and had a math practice page with long division with decimals.
On Tuesday morning, I still spent a good part of the morning getting baby stuff organized and put away. I wanted to have it all done before Christmas and traveling out of town. The only other thing of significance that happened that day was that I ended up talking with our little peanut's sisters' foster mom for almost 4 hours, the conversation only ending because her phone died. Ben ended up doing dinner and bedtime all by himself, which I felt bad about. I think the other foster mom just needed someone to process everything with, and her husband passed away several years ago. It was eye-opening to hear her perspective on everything, as well as how much trauma the older girls had experienced growing up, as evidenced in their behavior in the foster home. It made me feel glad that we just had our little peanut, but it made me feel so bad for these three girls and wondering what their life is going to be like now that they are back home. It breaks my heart to think of kids experiencing this type of trauma, especially at the hands of their parents, the very people that should be taking care of them and looking out for their best interests.
On Wednesday morning all three kids had dentist appointments at the same time. I really appreciate that our dentist does that so we don't have to take three separate trips there. It's hard to get after school appointments, but we were able to get 9:00 appointments, and they get the kids in and out rather quickly, so Samantha and Aedan weren't too late for school.
With Christmas coming up in a couple days and a lot of things to get done in those days, we were pretty busy with Ben taking the boys to get hair cuts, and Ben also taking Samantha and Aedan to get flu shots, along with himself. Our pediatrician said anyone could come in for one, and I actually got one along with Owen when I took him in for his 3 year old well child visit. I had a lot of presents to wrap for our family, and also for our little peanut and her sisters and mom, since we got things for them, and we also got presents from Ben's parents to give to them, too.
Thursday, December 24th was Christmas Eve, and since we had originally planned to leave for Upland on Christmas Day, but our plans were changed so that we could see our little peanut and give her presents on Christmas Day, we decided to still stick with our original plan of having our family Christmas of opening presents on Christmas Eve so we could have a more relaxed day together as a family.
We ate breakfast together as a family, got all the presents gathered around the tree, and then had the kids sit in front of the tree for the obligatory Christmas tree pictures. As you can tell, the kids were very excited to open their presents and see what they got.
Aedan loves opening presents, which is why you can see him some ramped up and excited in these videos. We had the kids give each other the presents that they picked out for each other awhile back at Once Upon a Child. From Owen, Aedan opened up a robot building kit, where I think the robots can fight each other.
Owen picked out a soccer player Barbie doll set for Samantha, and he was very excited to have her open it and tell her all about it.
Next, Owen opened the present Aedan got him: a huge Optimus Prime and Heatwave Rescue Bots that we found at Once Upon a Child.
Samantha opened the present that Aedan got for her, which was a doll, kind of like an American Girl doll, that had long, straight brown hair that she was excited to be able to brush and style. Once again, these presents weren't exactly a surprise because the kids picked out things at Once Upon a Child, and then the other siblings chose which things to buy, so everyone pretty much knew exactly what they were getting from each other, but that's okay. It works better to buy cheaper toys at a store like that for them to give to each other because they are just as happy and still got something they liked.
Then, Owen opened his present from Samantha, which was a giant Hulk figure. Owen loves running around and pretending to be hulk, saying, "Raahhh! Hulk, smash!" so this is the perfect present for him.
Aedan was in rare form that day because of how excited he gets about opening up presents. This was the present that Samantha picked out for him, a giant light-up Bumblebee car. I see a trend in these "giant-sized" toys.
I found this really great Harry Potter coloring book for Samantha, because she was wanting to have a less "babyish" coloring book. Since I got that for her, I decided to look for one for the boys as well. I found a truck coloring book for Owen and a Super Hero drawing book for Aedan where they showed you step by step how to make different super heroes.
Aedan has been really interested in drawing lately and he comes home almost every day with a picture he has drawn at school, so I thought this might help him learn some new things as he draws people.
As you can tell by the huge smile and the comment, "No way!" she was really excited about the Harry Potter coloring book that I got for her. She loves Harry Potter right now, and these pictures are very detailed and well-drawn.
Then, it was my turn to open up a present the kids helped pick out for me. I needed a new purse, so they got this one for me.
Then, it was Daddy's turn. He needed a new wallet, so the kids helped me pick out a new one for him at Target. Owen was too excited about it, and he couldn't help but tell him what was in the box. I just love little kids and how excited they are to watch people open presents. I'm glad that the kids enjoy giving presents to people and want to know if they like it.
Here's another present for Daddy. Aedan got him a shirt and a new belt.
I don't know how exactly this started, but the kids started the tradition of giving Ben a bag of Hershey Kisses, and then when he opens the present, they all jump on him and attack him with real kisses. They love it, and I think Daddy secretly loves it, too.
I had another present to open that the kids picked out for me: some new pajamas, which I really needed, and a couple pair of comfy pants to wear around the house. (The boys were apparently fighting and causing trouble in the background of this video.)
We couldn't leave Izzy out of the Christmas fun, so we got her some special treats and a new bone that looks like a stick to chew on. She got right to work on her new bone!
Next, we gave the kids their presents. We like to have them open one thing at a time so we can enjoy watching each other open presents, and just to enjoy this time we have together and make it take a little longer. Owen was up first, and we got him a Hot Wheels track where you could configure it in a few different ways and the cars would shoot around loops. It was hard for us to come up with ideas for Owen this year because he really just wants whatever Aedan has, but we figured he would enjoy playing with this because he likes playing with cars and trucks. I don't think he quite understood what it did at first, but he was excited about getting it out and building it.
After that, Samantha gave Daddy her present. She picked out socks and a dark blue sweater especially for him because she thought he would like it, and she knows his favorite color is blue. You could tell she was concerned that people would like the gifts that she picked for them, which was really sweet.
Then, I opened a present that I suggested Ben get for me, a Fairy Light Spirit Tree that I saw advertised on Facebook. It looked pretty, and I enjoy having decorations with lights, especially in the winter time when it gets dark so early. (Ben's main present to me was the trip to New York City, so I didn't expect anything too much in the way of presents.)After that, it was Ben's turn to open his present from me: "The Great British Baking Show" new cookbook that had just been released. He had been watching the show a lot, and I figured he would enjoy trying to make some of the recipes at home. I also got him the elliptical that we had already gotten a few weeks ago, so this was his other present. He is hard for me to shop for sometimes because he doesn't ever say much that he wants or needs, and with Covid, there aren't many places open that I could take him to, so it limits some of the things I would usually choose to do for him. But I think the cookbook was a good idea, and he loves to bake; it is relaxing to him.
Aedan's big present from us was something else I found on Facebook Marketplace. Someone was selling a bag FULL of Legos. They had some Ninja Turtle figures and Transformers, and lot of other random people and sets. They didn't have any directions, but with how much he likes to build and create, I didn't think that would be a problem. Plus, he got so many more Legos to play with for a lot less money by buying them this way. He didn't give us too many ideas for presents for him other than Legos, so when I saw someone selling these, I thought it would be perfect for him.
And that wrapped up our Christmas presents for this year. We did presents that morning, so then they had the rest of the day to play with their new toys. Here is Owen playing with his new garbage truck, and you can hear Aedan singing Ninjago songs in the background (as well as a pile of boxes waiting to be taken downstairs from all our Christmas packages).
Aedan enjoyed digging into his new Legos, putting his new Ninjas together, and finding the Ninja Turtles and other figures from the bag as well. I just love watching him play, lining things up carefully, and definitely being in the zone when he plays with Legos. He could do this for hours. It is definitely his favorite thing to do and play with.
So instead of going to church, we watched the Christmas Eve service online together on the couch. It wasn't what we expected, but it was still good to end our family Christmas celebration with remembering what this time of year is all about. Owen really enjoys sitting next to Samantha and cuddling with her on the couch. (She always sits in this spot, and Aedan always sits in the corner spot.)
Christmas Day was a little different for us because we had already celebrated our family Christmas on Christmas Eve. The only plan we had for the day was going to our little peanut's house so we could give her the presents we bought for her, and to see her again. We spent the morning just hanging out and starting to get packed for our trip to Upland for a few days. The kids enjoyed having some time to play with their new things, although Samantha is getting to the age where she doesn't get as many toys anymore. We arrived at bio mom's house at 12:00 because that was when we planned to meet bio dad there. It was very strange having all three of our kids in their house. Ben and I had been in the house plenty of times when picking up and dropping off our little peanut, but our kids never went in with us. I could tell that they felt very awkward, especially Samantha and Aedan. They didn't know what to do or where to sit in the crowded living room. Owen went off to play, almost like we were there for a play date. Our little peanut wasn't there yet, but we got to see the two older girls playing with their new toys and talked to bio mom about how things have been going since reunification.
Bio dad and our little peanut did not arrive until after 12:30, which was a little frustrating as we had gotten there on time and were just sitting around and waiting. We were so excited to see our little peanut again. It had been a week since we had seen her last, but it felt like a lot longer than that. Even though our little peanut didn't understand that she was getting presents from us, the kids really wanted to give her what they picked out special for her. We also had gifts for bio mom, like the book "The Ragamuffin Gospel" that I wrote a special note to her in, as well as "The Jesus Storybook Bible" that I also wrote a special note for the girls in. We gave her a couple gift cards, one for groceries and one for Target, with the money Ben's parents gave us as donations from their Bible study group at church. We really wanted to bless the whole family.
After giving the presents, we hung out for a little longer, as Samantha and Aedan really wanted to hold our little peanut, but her older sister was being possessive of her and didn't want to let her go for a while. Finally, when she decided to put our little peanut down, I picked her up and gave her to Samantha. It was so interesting seeing her again after a week. She looked so exhausted. I could see it in her eyes. I know what she looks like when she's tired. And as we stood there talking to bio mom, our little peanut kept following our voices and looking at us. She definitely recognized us and our voices, especially mine. It was so sweet, but it very nearly broke my heart. You can see how happy Samantha is holding this sweet little girl. She really missed our little peanut, and it was good for her to be able to hold her and see her again.
We hoped that we would be able to stay connected with her family and still be a part of her life, but as I write this post several months later, bio mom stopped replying to my texts a couple weeks after reunification, and bio dad said a few times that he wanted to set up a time to get together, but it never went anywhere beyond that. We have never seen our little peanut since that Christmas Day at her house, and there's a good chance we won't ever get to see her again, as we can't make her parents communicate and have a relationship with us. This is the hard part of foster care, especially in welcoming a little baby right from the hospital. She was definitely a part of our family, so it feels a little like we lost a baby that belongs to us, even though we knew all along that she truly wasn't ours. Our hearts were all a little sad as we left our little peanut behind that day, and we didn't fully realize just how much our hearts were invested and attached to her. It took all of us several months to get over losing our little peanut, knowing that we are no longer a part of her life.
Once we got back home, Aedan really wanted to build a new Lego set that he got, so he got busy working on that at the kitchen counter. He was building a Jurassic Park set, and he is so good at following the directions that he very rarely needs any help. This boy loves Legos!
We got Owen down for a late nap, and Ben and I worked on the long process of getting all five of us packed up for our trip to Upland for Christmas. We decided to not go to Chicago due to Covid, not knowing how things were going to end with our little peanut, and wanting to actually have time at our house with our family for Christmas, instead of spending the whole Christmas break traveling. However, we decided we would take just a few days to get away and go to Upland. We hoped we would see Aunt Jeni and Alaina while we were there, but Alaina ended up getting Covid before Christmas where it would have not quite been out of the safety zone for quarantine. We tried to come up with other solutions that would work so we could see each other, but nothing was able to work out. Nonetheless, the kids were excited about going to Upland to see Ema and Papa.
We left on Saturday, December 26th on our 9 hour car trip. The kids were excited, they had books and toys packed in the van, and we even had Izzy with us as well. It's a long day, but they are fairly used to long drives at this point, so it's not too hard on them, especially now that Owen is better able to play and entertain himself. They are always thrilled when we pull up their driveway!
(Blog about December 20-26, 2020)
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