Samantha's First Birthday

Before I talk about Samantha's first birthday, I want to share a funny thing that Samantha's been doing lately.  She will go into her room (or any room really) and leave one of us out in the hallway.  Then, she will open and close the door, shutting us out of her bedroom.  She thinks it's hilarious, and we are wondering what she will be like as a teenager if she is already keeping us out of her bedroom!  Also, one time when Ben was playing this game with her, he stuck a sock under the door and kept pulling it back and forth.  However, one time he let her have it and then immediately, she tried to stick it back under the door just like her daddy.  It's so great to see how much she seems to be learning and making connections in her brain.  She is really good at mimicking now, both actions and sounds.  So far she can say "mama," "dada," "bye-bye," "uh-oh" (her particular favorite right now), and something that sounds a lot like "dug-dug" in reference to Roscoe.

We downloaded some baby apps for our iPad, and one in particular with shapes that pop up, move around, and enlarge, is Samantha's favorite.  Every once in a while we bust it out and she plays with the shapes for a few minutes until she gets bored and moves on to something else.  This girl really likes anything electronic.  (We think her and her Uncle Tim will get along really well).  Sometimes it creates some distress, crying, or whining from Samantha because we won't let her eat the remote controls, play with our cell phones (after all, she did send a text message one day when playing with Ben's phone), or touch the computer.  We are such bad parents, aren't we?

Well, we were pretty set on clothing up until about twelve months, so over the past couple of weeks we have accumulated quite a collection of clothes from Once Upon a Child.  (That store is wonderful by the way.)  We got some adorable clothes for her, and it is quite fun to dress her up in all these new summer clothes.  We are moving away from the onesies and transitioning to separate pieces which makes her look so much more like a toddler.  I never thought I would be one of those moms that likes to dress up her little girl, but I think I've become one.  I think sometimes she is better dressed than I am.  If only they had a Once Upon a Child for adults where you could buy a whole outfit for less than $5!

She is growing up so fast and looks more and more like a toddler every day.  It's hard to believe she just had her first birthday.  I ended up taking the day off of work to be with Samantha.  We had a wonderful day, and it was great to be able to spend her first birthday together.  We had a birthday party at our house on her actual birthday, May 16th, with friends from our small group.  Ben and I made a cake in the shape of a rubber ducky.  The cake was made from a batter with bananas and blueberries, and we used cream cheese frosting.  The cake didn't turn out quite like we wanted it to because as soon as we set the cake upright, the ducks head started putting too much pressure on the wings, splitting the wings apart.  We tried to fix it with icing, but it was a little difficult to work with.  We set up our baby pool with water and bath toys, and also had bubbles and sidewalk chalk for the kids to play with.

Here is our attempt at the duck cake.  The oreos around the outside are helping to support the wings.

Thomas helped Samantha blow out her candle.

Samantha went for the M&Ms on top first.  Smart girl!

Samantha was doing a pretty good job picking at her cake, but then she shoved too much of it in her mouth at one time and started crying.  She doesn't have too much control over that yet!

Melanie got Samantha a doll for her birthday, and she loves it!  She was so excited for me to get her out of the box.

We got Samantha a balloon for her birthday because she loves balloons.  We tied it to her high chair and kept in there until it lost all its air several days later.  She enjoyed playing with it every day, as you can see, her expression of pure joy in this picture.

On Sunday we were announced at our church, Evangelical Community Church (ECC), as new members.  We took Samantha up front with us, and it was all we could do to keep her somewhat quiet while the pastor and congregation talked.  She was chewing on our name tags and looking at everyone in the pews.

Another fun discovery of Samantha's is throwing toys.  She will pick up blocks or other small toys and throw them behind her, repeating this over and over again.  She seems to really enjoy it, and it seems like she has quite a good little arm on her!

On Tuesday, May 22nd, Samantha had her twelve month appointment.  Her measurements for weight were 23 pounds, 2 ounces in the 75-90%, her height was 31 inches in the 95%, and her head circumference was 46.5 centimeters in the 75-90%.  Samantha had a good ole time crawling around the office, throwing her new shoes that we just got at Once Upon a Child the day before, and exploring every corner of the doctor's office.  Dr. Esarey said she looks really healthy and is doing great.  We asked some questions about walking, shoes, food, and what to expect next.  Then at the end of the appointment she had to get the next round of shots.  Again, she cried pretty hard and her face got bright red, but she calmed down pretty quickly and didn't seem to experience any adverse side effects.

We had a great week celebrating Samantha's birthday and can't believe that she is already one year old.  We are excited to see what the next year will bring for our sweet Samantha.

Samantha at 52 Weeks

We are trying to encourage Samantha to build up her strength and confidence with walking by using her "walker" toys.  I got a cute video of her doing it this week.  She will take several steps and get going really fast, lose her balance and fall down to her knees, knee walking the rest of the way.  However, a couple of times she has been able to pull herself back up again and continue on.  Here is a cute video of her pushing her walker around.

I know several weeks ago I posted about how Samantha will lay down on things when she is tired.  She'll lie on pillows, rugs, and even Roscoe's bed.

Another of Samantha's favorite activities is to go into the bathroom and unroll the toilet paper.  Normally, we don't let her do this; however, we decided to let her have fun with it this night.  You can see her hands flapping up and down with excitement as the paper rolls down to the floor.

On Thursday we cooked out for dinner, and we let Samantha come outside with us.  I tried to get her to sit in her little chair with her pink sunhat on, but she wasn't too much a fan of that.

Then, after dinner we strapped Samantha into her bike chair and took our first family bike ride together.  She loved it!  We rode around our neighborhood a couple times.  She loved being in front of me on the bike and being able to look around and feel the wind on her face.

After our bike ride, Samantha played for a little while longer before bedtime.  She was pushing her little car toy around that we checked out from the library.  

On Friday night we went over to our friends' house for dinner and a game night.  Samantha had a great time playing with the boys, and we put her to bed there in a pack n' play so the adults could play games and talk.  We were there until around 11:30, and when I went to wake Samantha up to go home, she was very comfortable and was not wanting to wake up.  I picked her up, she laid her head down on my shoulder, and instantly fell back asleep.  Even all the way downstairs and out to the car, she stayed asleep.  (Don't tell anyone, but I didn't put her in her car seat on the way home.  I just couldn't wake her up by strapping her in the car seat when all we were doing is making the quick trip home.  So, I just sat in the back seat and held her close to me, covering her little body up with the white knit blanket.)  She stayed asleep almost the whole way home, waking up only once we got to the house.  This has never happened before, usually she will wake right up if we ever have to stir her from sleeping like this.  It was so precious to me, I could have stayed in that moment forever.

Saturday morning we decided to give Samantha some eggs for breakfast because I read somewhere that it is good for babies to get a taste of eggs before they have them cooked in their first birthday cake, just in case they have an allergic reaction.  She really seemed to like them, and you can hear her making a sucking/slurping noise in the video as she enjoys her breakfast.

Sunday was my first Mother's Day, and we had a great day together as a family.  The highlight of the day was going on a family bike ride on the B-line Trail.  We got a helmet for Samantha so that we could take a longer, more serious ride.  When we first put the helmet on, however, she was not a big fan and started to cry (I think mostly because it was a little too tight and pinched her chin a little).  But when we took off and started to ride, she calmed down quickly and really enjoyed the ride.  Everyone that passed by us on the trail looked and smiled at Samantha sitting in her little bike seat with her ladybug helmet on, enjoying the smooth ride, warm sun, and cool breeze.  

I'm so lucky to be Samantha's Mommy, what a great Mother's Day present.

Samantha at 51 Weeks

This week started out with a celebration of Ben's birthday.  I made him his favorite meal, lasagna.  We gave Samantha a little taste of it, the cheese covered noodles and tomato sauce, and she was a big fan!  Maybe she will be an Italian fan just like her daddy.

Then on Wednesday, Samantha had her first dentist appointment with Dr. Taylor.  The office is really cute with murals painted on the walls and each room has a different theme.  Samantha did a really good job.  Ben held her while the doctor held her head in his lap so he could examine her teeth and mouth.  After awhile she got tired of having his fingers and the small mirror tool in her mouth and she started crying.  He said everything looked good in there and that we'd been taking good care of her teeth so far.  When looking in her mouth, he made the observation that all four of her first year molars looked like they were about to come in at the same time.  Her gums were starting to look a little inflamed.  The doctor encouraged us to start brushing her teeth with a little toothbrush and a miniscule amount of toothpaste.  At first I wasn't sure what Samantha would think of this because she generally doesn't like us poking and prodding around in her mouth.  However, that night we used the toothbrush for the first time, and she didn't mind at all.  We brush her teeth as well as we can for a bit, then we allow Samantha to chew on/play with with toothbrush for some time after that.

Over the weekend Christy and Matt came to visit us, even though Ben and I were pretty busy with our individual school functions.  We had time to play with Samantha, eat good food, and play lots of Dutch Blitz!  Here are some pictures from the weekend.

I tried to get some pictures/video of Samantha using her walker this week, but of course she won't ever do it for the camera.  It's interesting how babies develop differently.  Samantha's cousin Alaina is already walking, and sometimes it seems like Samantha doesn't have much interest in walking.  She will take steps with her walker, but then fall down and just continue to push it while walking on her knees.  She will crawl/walk up the stairs several times a day.  She will walk along furniture, but not too often.  We can get her to stand on her own without support for a few seconds, but then she will just fall down on her bottom and zoom off crawling.  I think for right now she just prefers crawling and can get around faster that way.  I know we still have plenty of time for her to walk within the normal timeframe of development, so we're not too worried about it.

 I wanted to end my post for this week expressing how I've been feeling lately, and hopefully other moms can resonate with my feelings too.  I have always been a person to let my doubts and insecurities take over my thoughts and feelings, more than I probably should, especially when I'm stressed out and overwhelmed.  However, I have found these feelings of doubt and insecurity to be amplified even more now that I am a new mother.  Of course, I have not done any of these "motherly" things before.  I have never raised a child, so it seems like with each new transition phase with Samantha, these feelings rise anew, I feed them with more lies, and before long, I believe them to be true, rather than combatting them with things that are true, pure, holy, from God. 


My mind automatically compares myself to all the moms around me, thinking that I am not doing things well enough because I am a working mom, that I miss out on things Samantha does, that others are having more of an impact on her life than me, and that I am doing a disservice to her by leaving her in someone else's hands.  I find myself feeling jealous and envious of others around me that stay at home with their children, thinking they have the "better" life.  I find myself doubting what is best for my daughter, not knowing what or how much food to give her, how or when I should transition from breastfeeding, not knowing what to put her in to sleep at night when it gets warm, worrying if I am enriching her enough by reading to her and singing to her and giving her stimulating toys to play with.  The list goes on and on and on, and before I know it, I have given in to Satan's trap.  I believe his lies as truth.  I am totally consumed with self and pity and doubt and worry, so much so that it makes me become the mother that I am so afraid I will become. 


Rather than trusting in God to show me how to raise my daughter in the fear and admonition of the Lord, I compare myself to other moms who seem to have it all together, wishing I could be a mom like that.  Rather than being all in with Samantha, I am worried about not doing things right, always second guessing the mother's intuition that God blesses me with.  Rather than embracing these wonderful moments together as mother and daughter, I am always looking for something more, something better, like I'm slapping God in the face by not counting all of the wonderful blessings he has given me IN THIS TIME AND IN THIS PLACE RIGHT NOW.

I am such a selfish human being, who is in such great need for God's grace on a daily basis.  My prayer is that God will accept the humble plea of a clueless, doubtful, insecure mother and wife, and that He would lift me out of these thoughts and feelings.  I pray that I would daily give myself over to Him, thinking of pure and lovely things, trusting in The Provider to lead me and give me all that I need, reassuring me that, as long as I trust and follow Him, my family will not be left or forgotten.  And that I am never on my own, God is working in me and on me, shaping me.  God is behind me, in my past, in my mistakes, mercifully saving me and forgiving me.  God is in my future, in where our family will be and in the life of my sweet Samantha as she grows up.  With my family, my life, my future, I TRUST YOU LORD.

Samantha at 50 Weeks

This past week the weather was a bit colder, so we put Samantha in one of our favorite shirts, her little panda shirt.  We put the hood up for the picture, but she didn't want to leave it on for too long.

Every night after dinner, when the weather is nice, we go on a family walk.  Samantha is a big fan of them, and this picture captures her "Oh, my" action that I explained in my last post.  She does this a lot, and we always get a kick out of it.

In my last post, I also explained how Samantha will lay down on Roscoe's bed when she is tired, well, on Friday I had the day off of school so I had the privilege of hanging out with Samantha for the day.  After playing in the morning, she started to get sleepy and started laying down on the rug by our patio door.  I took this as a pretty good sign that she was ready to take a nap.

Another thing that happens to Samantha when she's tired is she tends to hurt herself a lot more and will stumble and fall much more.  Friday morning when I was home with her, she was pulling herself up on the end table in our living room, turned around to look at something, lost her balance, fell and got a scratch on her temple from the hinge on the door.  She cried pretty hard for awhile, and it bled a little.  I actually ended up putting a band-aid on it, so you can see that in this picture.

Here are some other pictures of Samantha playing with her toys that morning:

Later that day, we took some pictures of Ben and Samantha in bed together, to copy these pictures we took of them when Samantha was only one month old.  I thought it would be interesting to put the pictures side by side to compare them.  It's amazing how much smaller she was and how there is no way she would just lay like that in bed with us anymore.  The first two pictures are from when she was one month old, and the second two pictures are from this past Friday.

Since Samantha turned 11 months old last week, I decided to take her to the doctor to get her weight.  She weight in at 23 pounds, 4 ounces, with diaper and clothes on.


Samantha loves to enjoy life.  We love to make her laugh, and Ben found a way to make her laugh by burping.  Samantha thought it was hilarious!  Here's a small video clip showing this.

Samantha also loves playing peek a boo.  It's one of her favorite games.  She will play it with blankets, toys, and even your hands.  She will pull your hand in front of her eyes until you ask, "Where's Samantha?"  Then, she will move your hand away to reveal herself.  It's pretty cute.  She is mimicking us a lot, when we put something on top of our head or on top of her head, she will then try to put it on top of her head as well.


Also this past weekend Grandma and Grandpa Toll came down to Bloomington to deliver our bikes and to watch Samantha for us while we went out for Ben's birthday at Cheesecake Factory.  It was lunchtime when they first arrived, so they took over feeding her and for some strange reason, she kept screaming while she was eating, really loud, and for no apparent reason.  She had a good time with her Grandma and Grandpa, got some good playing time in, and had a good nap.  It's nice to live close to family and to have them so involved in Samantha's life.  She will have great memories to look back on of all the people that loved her from before she was even born.

Samantha at 11 Months

Samantha has been gradually getting more comfortable with "cruising" along furniture.  We oftentimes have to encourage her by giving her something to go after.  I attempted to get some pictures/videos of her doing this, but I was unsuccessful because as soon as I got the camera out, she decided she didn't want to try and walk anymore.


Another significant marker this week was Samantha turning 11 months old on Monday, April 16th!  We can't believe we are one month away from her first birthday.  The week got away with us, however, so we didn't take pictures of her with the 11 month sign until several days later.  Here are some of our attempts:

You can't tell too much in this picture, but Samantha is learning how to put the shapes in the correct holes on this toy.  She especially can get the circle to go in the right place because of its rotational symmetry, and attempts the others.  She seems to know which spot they are supposed to go in, but has trouble turning it the right way and holding it at the right angle for it to slide into place. 

As you can tell by these pictures, she continues to be a little monster.  When she is awake, she is in constant motion.  Sometimes it is tiring trying to keep up with her, and we have even baby-proofed much of our home.  We love our active little girl.  We love her curiosity and interest in the world around her.


This past weekend my parents came down to visit us (but really mostly Samantha).  It's always good to have them here so they can spend quality time with Samantha in her home element.  We didn't do anything spectacular, just took a trip to the library and spent time playing with Samantha.  Here are some great pictures of Samantha from the weekend.  As I was looking through the pictures on our computer, I noticed a lot of them were of Samantha looking at her books.  That is one of her favorite activities.  It's funny because most of the time she looks at them upside and flips the pages opposite of what we would do.  She loves to look at two Baby Einstein books in particular that have lots of colorful pictures, and she loves the new touch and feel books we checked out from the library.

These two pictures were taken after bath time in the new chair from Grandma Kappel.   She doesn't appear to be a big fan of having things on her head and was trying to pull the hood off.

Samantha is all dressed up for church.  We just love putting pretty little dresses on her.  I'm not sure why she's making this funny face, but it's at least a picture with her looking at the camera.

Later that afternoon, she started doing something really funny.  When she is tired, she has been laying down on Roscoe's bed, rubbing her face into it like she does when she's sleepy.  It's pretty cute.  Here's a picture of her snuggling on his bed.

I wanted to end this blog post by talking about some other commonplace events in Samantha's life.  We have been giving her a lot more finger foods lately, like bananas and noodles (one of her particular favorites), and due to that, she is getting much messier when she eats.  This past week when she was eating she slapped her hand against her head, and we reacted by laughing at her, so she continued doing it, getting more and more food in her hair.  Now, she puts both hands on the side of her head a lot when she eats and also when we say "Oh, my!"  She is mimicking our sounds and motions a lot more now.  It's fun to see how much she observes about the people around her.


Also, with increased mobility comes many more minor scrapes and bruises.  There were a couple instances this week where she hurt herself, once from pinching her fingers in Roscoe's cage door when she was pulling it back and forth, and once when she bit her lip and made it bleed when she was pulling herself up on the changing table.  The little face she makes when she has hurt herself is so sad.  Her face turns bright red, her mouth opens up wide, and she bursts out crying, tears instantly falling from her squinted eyes.  Her arms reach out, longing to be picked up, rescued, and cuddled.  Oftentimes, just showing Samantha her reflection helps the crying subside.  It's hard to see your child in pain, even if it is only a small scrape or bruise.


One night, as I was nursing and rocking Samantha to sleep, I was thinking about the power of your hands as a parent.  Our hands can calm crying, and their uses have changed as Samantha has gotten older.  When she was first born, we used our hands to gently rock her back and forth after we laid her down in her bassinet.  Then, as she got a little older, after I'd lay her down on her back, I would leave my hand resting on her chest until she settled back to sleep so she knew I was still there with her.  As soon as Samantha could roll over, she started sleeping on her tummy, and I would then lay my hand on her back to reassure her of my presence.  Now that she's almost a year old, she doesn't really need me to reassure her with presence of my hands after I lay her down to sleep, but I still love to kiss her little cheek before I lay her down and hold her hand as she drifts off to sleep in my arms.