Aedan: Week 45
Tuesday was one of those days where if something could go wrong, it did. Tuesday mornings are a bit crazier than normal anyways because of Ben leaving early for Bible study, but this day was exceptionally bad. We were rushed getting ready, I had both kids in the car, and we actually were going to make it to preschool on time, but I could not find my keys anywhere. I looked everywhere I could think of in the house and in the car. It was 9:00, the time we are supposed to arrive at preschool, and I still couldn't find them. I tried calling Ben, even though I knew he was in class, to see if he possibly knew where they were. He texted me back to make sure everything was okay, and even offered to find someone to proctor so that he could get home, but then I found them in the pocket of the coat I had worn the day before. I just felt so stupid and absent minded, wasting all our time looking for my keys, instead of just putting them in the basket on the shelf by the door where they belong. I got so upset because I was tired, which tends to make me react even worse.
The rest of the day wasn't the greatest either. Samantha has been having trouble with needing to use the bathroom right after we just took her, particularly at nap time. She also has started waking up in the middle of the night needing to go potty, which is totally unlike her. For a year and a half prior, ever since she's been out of pull-ups, she would sleep straight through the night without needing to go potty until the morning when she wakes up. But for the last week or so, she's been waking up once a night, occasionally even twice a night, to go potty. So Tuesday afternoon, 20 minutes after taking her to the bathroom before her nap time, she was in her room crying about needing to go potty again. I didn't understand what the problem was, and I was getting so frustrated with hearing her whine about needing to go potty, particularly when she's in her room at nap time.
Another problem I was facing was with Aedan wearing cloth diapers at night. His diapers were leaking pretty much every night, resulting in me having to change his pajamas and sleep sack every night because of his diaper leaking. He sleeps on his tummy a lot, which I'm sure doesn't help either, as it is always leaking out the side or the top of the front. I didn't want him feeling wet to be the reason he was waking up at night. We were using special nighttime heavy wetter diapers with two microfiber inserts and one hemp insert, but that didn't seem to be working anymore. I wanted to find a solution to this problem, but didn't know what to do, so I posted on Facebook to see if any fellow moms had any suggestions for me.
Another issue with our kids this week was that they started waking up super early and not going back to sleep. Samantha was waking up between 5:30 and 6:15 to go potty and then often would not go back to sleep. Aedan was waking up between 4:30 and 5:30 and either taking a lot of work to get back to sleep (like many minutes of rocking him in his room), or he just babbled and kicked around in his bed (which meant he was then keeping everyone else up listening to him). Ben and I were so tired from all this interrupted sleep, and we weren't sure what was causing it, if anything. We hoped it was just a phase, and I was looking for answers on how we could encourage our children to sleep to a more normal time in the morning.
Because of all these issues the last week or so, I had a really hard time with parenting. I feel like I have improved a lot in not getting angry or losing my patience as easily, but this past week was another story. When I am tired or stressed or overwhelmed, I lose my patience very easily, especially now with two kids that I'm home with all day. I said things I didn't mean and behaved in a way that is not good or loving or kind. When I act like this, I feel terrible about myself and feel like a failure as a mom. There were a lot of issues going on at the time with our kids not sleeping well, with Samantha crying to go potty during the night and at nap time, and with both kids waking up early and not going back to sleep. In addition to these things physically wearing me out, all these issues made me feel even worse because I thought that if I were just doing something different than I could help resolve the problems. Sometimes I just get so caught up in whatever is going on at home, that I refuse to see anything positive and I let it negatively influence everything else.
And so what did my sweet husband do? After taking Samantha to ballet, he stopped at Kroger and bought me my favorite Starbucks drink, along with two bouquets of flowers, specially picked out by Samantha. He wanted to cheer me up and let me know that I am a good mom, despite all the thoughts that were running rampant in my head.
Wednesday was a much better day. We went to the library for story time, both kids took good naps, and I got the chance to hang out with Maggie during nap time and Beth, after putting Aedan to bed. It was good to talk to fellow women and friends. It helped clear my mind and reassured me that I am not alone in my feelings.
It snowed on Wednesday night, and since Oxford doesn't do a good job of plowing their roads, schools were on a 90 minute delay on Thursday morning, which also applies to Samantha's preschool. It was kind of nice in some ways because Aedan woke up early that morning, giving me the chance to lay him down for an earlier nap before I even had to leave to take Samantha to preschool. While Aedan napped, Samantha and I played together. She helped me make banana chocolate chip muffins, and while I cleaned up the dishes, she sat at the table and colored. She LOVES to color. She could color all morning if we let her.
After dropping Samantha off at preschool, it was a busy morning for Aedan and me. I decided to still do our weekly grocery shopping trip, even though we had less time to do it. I didn't want to have to go out another time to go shopping. I got the shopping done and got back home and unloaded all the groceries just in time to leave to pick up Samantha at 12:30. It was difficult on Aedan that morning because he took an earlier morning nap, but his afternoon nap was pushed later because of getting home later from preschool and still needing to eat lunch before our nap time routine could begin. I left Samantha's room when she was still awake, and I didn't think she was actually going to sleep, but she did end up falling asleep. After I left her room, I didn't hear any noise from her. A little while later I peeked in, and she was fast asleep in her bed. It was nice that we had two good days of napping in a row. Samantha is in such a better mood when she takes a little nap during the day. However, ironically, after only sleeping for about an hour, Aedan woke up from his nap and wouldn't go back to sleep. He was so tired, but we think he might be teething, getting two more top teeth in his mouth. It seems like on days that Samantha takes good naps, Aedan has a harder time. Trying to get both kids to nap at the same time is challenging at times.
Here is a video of Aedan rolling around and playing with his balloon on Thursday afternoon while Samantha watched her show after her nap.
Throughout the week, Samantha continued to have trouble with going potty a lot more frequently. On Friday, after putting her down for her nap, she started crying saying she had to go. She usually goes when you take her, but it doesn't make sense why she doesn't totally empty her bladder before she gets in bed. Silly girl!
Aedan took a two hour nap on Friday morning, which is nice because then Samantha and I have more time together without having to watch him, but it makes it more difficult for Aedan to fall asleep in the afternoon. Also, I usually nurse him before his afternoon nap, but every once in a while he doesn't want to nurse. This week it could be related to his top teeth coming in, or it could be that he is just not as hungry because of eating lunch right before nap time. The good thing is that I can usually just lay him down in his crib with his pacifier, and he will fall asleep on his own. I like that he occasionally falls asleep on his own because it makes me not feel guilty about the times he falls asleep while nursing or while being rocked.
Here are some pictures from that afternoon. Aedan loves anything that can be rolled across the floor or thrown into the air. Balls are probably his favorite toy. It's funny how there are already so many differences between Samantha and Aedan, even in the toys they prefer to play with. Samantha never really cared too much about playing with balls.
Ben and I sat across from each other at the restaurant, and both kids were occupied enough with eating and looking around, that he and I were able to actually carry on a conversation. We talked a lot about our future, and our conversation was so good. Ben has a definite contract for another year as a visiting assistant professor at Miami, and the department hopes to add a line for a tenure track position for the fall of 2016, pretty much exactly in the area that Ben studies. They are really pleased with him, the students like him, and he has gotten good teaching reviews. Miami would really like to keep Ben on as faculty from how they make it sound.
However, another opportunity has come up at another school that I will not name. I don't want to cross any lines by being too forthcoming until it's a more real possibility. We didn't think this school would ever be a possibility as a place for Ben to teach because they have recently hired two political science faculty. However, one of the faculty members has not worked out well with the school and is now on a one year terminating contract and so is looking for jobs elsewhere. There is a possibility that the professor could get a job for next year, leaving a vacancy that needs to be filled. This school has been putting feelers out as to Ben's interest in a position at said school, wondering if Ben has accepted a tenure track position at Miami yet, that sort of thing. So Ben and I spent quite a deal of time discussing these two possibilities and how our future would look if we stayed in Oxford or if we moved to this other school. We have a few concerns about the other school, because although we feel very strongly about the school, the community of students, the tuition benefits, and the proximity to family, the town is a lot smaller than Oxford, and I am concerned, to be honest, that I will be bored and that I won't be able to find enough activities for myself and the kids. However, this other school has many benefits as well. We could be a lot more involved in the student body and would feel much more comfortable having our kids around campus. All in all, it would be difficult to turn down a job at this other school, if Ben was offered the job there.
It's hard for me not to think months down the road. It's hard for me to not get lost in a land of hypotheticals. Ben is SO close to finishing his dissertation and will probably defend it in the next month. The next place we go, whether it is staying here or moving somewhere else, is the place that we'd like to be long term. We are tired of moving and having to start over with a new church and new friends. We want to get settled, get to know people, and really put down our roots in a community. I am so excited about this next phase of our life. I'm so excited for Ben to finish his dissertation so that he is no longer stressed out and pretty much doing two jobs, plus being here for his family. I am so excited about not renting anymore, about buying a house and making it a home, putting our own touches in it, and buying new furniture that fits well in it. It's hard to not want to just fast forward to when we figure out where and who will offer Ben a tenure track job. I am so proud of him and all the hard work he has put into graduate school. He works harder than anyone I know, but I know we are both ready to officially move out of the student phase. I know God is in control of our future, and in the past when we thought we knew what was best, God surprised us with taking us a new direction. Looking back, we know that God led us exactly where was best for us. So rather than living in hypotheticals and hoping for a certain outcome that may or may not happen, I will continue trying to pray about our future, knowing that God will orchestrate all the plans for it, letting us in on His plans when we need to know.
After eating at the restaurant, both kids were full and happy, and we had a great ride home. It's always nice when you have a successful night out as a family. :)
On Saturday night daylight savings time began, and it was time to move our clocks forward one hour. We were unsure how this would affect our kids sleeping. We hoped that instead of waking up at 6:15, they would sleep until 7:15, and that maybe our problem of having both kids waking up super early would be solved by our clocks moving forward one hour. Of course, Ben and I didn't go to sleep an hour earlier, so we lost an hour of sleep, but our kids slept in that Sunday morning, just like we hoped they would, so Ben and I took advantage of the extra sleep as well.
After a nice relaxing morning, I got this great video of Aedan truly crawling for the first time. In the past he has only ever moved one knee and one arm. However, if there is something to crawl towards, in this case Samantha's motorcycle toy, he has great motivation to get to it.
Monday was a cleaning day for me, so we just stayed home and played. Samantha even helped me clean some. She has been doing a really good job taking naps for me lately. She also has been sleeping more at night, which is a welcome relief after a week where she was operating on not enough sleep. Sunday night, after a long day at church and small group, she slept almost 12 hours Sunday night. Despite sleeping so long, and even though she was being silly and told me she didn't want to go to sleep when I left her room on Monday, she still took a good nap. She woke up in the middle of her nap needing to go potty, but then went right back into her room and went back to sleep. I was so proud of her. We were so happy with how well she was sleeping that we decided to give her a special treat that night by taking her out to get frozen yogurt at Orange Leaf.
Looking back on this week, there were a lot of highs and a lot of lows. It's amazing how exhausting and rewarding being a mom can be.
(Blog about March 3-9, 2015)
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