Then on Wednesday, Samantha had her first dentist appointment with Dr. Taylor. The office is really cute with murals painted on the walls and each room has a different theme. Samantha did a really good job. Ben held her while the doctor held her head in his lap so he could examine her teeth and mouth. After awhile she got tired of having his fingers and the small mirror tool in her mouth and she started crying. He said everything looked good in there and that we'd been taking good care of her teeth so far. When looking in her mouth, he made the observation that all four of her first year molars looked like they were about to come in at the same time. Her gums were starting to look a little inflamed. The doctor encouraged us to start brushing her teeth with a little toothbrush and a miniscule amount of toothpaste. At first I wasn't sure what Samantha would think of this because she generally doesn't like us poking and prodding around in her mouth. However, that night we used the toothbrush for the first time, and she didn't mind at all. We brush her teeth as well as we can for a bit, then we allow Samantha to chew on/play with with toothbrush for some time after that.
Over the weekend Christy and Matt came to visit us, even though Ben and I were pretty busy with our individual school functions. We had time to play with Samantha, eat good food, and play lots of Dutch Blitz! Here are some pictures from the weekend.
I tried to get some pictures/video of Samantha using her walker this week, but of course she won't ever do it for the camera. It's interesting how babies develop differently. Samantha's cousin Alaina is already walking, and sometimes it seems like Samantha doesn't have much interest in walking. She will take steps with her walker, but then fall down and just continue to push it while walking on her knees. She will crawl/walk up the stairs several times a day. She will walk along furniture, but not too often. We can get her to stand on her own without support for a few seconds, but then she will just fall down on her bottom and zoom off crawling. I think for right now she just prefers crawling and can get around faster that way. I know we still have plenty of time for her to walk within the normal timeframe of development, so we're not too worried about it.
I wanted to end my post for this week expressing how I've been feeling lately, and hopefully other moms can resonate with my feelings too. I have always been a person to let my doubts and insecurities take over my thoughts and feelings, more than I probably should, especially when I'm stressed out and overwhelmed. However, I have found these feelings of doubt and insecurity to be amplified even more now that I am a new mother. Of course, I have not done any of these "motherly" things before. I have never raised a child, so it seems like with each new transition phase with Samantha, these feelings rise anew, I feed them with more lies, and before long, I believe them to be true, rather than combatting them with things that are true, pure, holy, from God.
My mind automatically compares myself to all the moms around me, thinking that I am not doing things well enough because I am a working mom, that I miss out on things Samantha does, that others are having more of an impact on her life than me, and that I am doing a disservice to her by leaving her in someone else's hands. I find myself feeling jealous and envious of others around me that stay at home with their children, thinking they have the "better" life. I find myself doubting what is best for my daughter, not knowing what or how much food to give her, how or when I should transition from breastfeeding, not knowing what to put her in to sleep at night when it gets warm, worrying if I am enriching her enough by reading to her and singing to her and giving her stimulating toys to play with. The list goes on and on and on, and before I know it, I have given in to Satan's trap. I believe his lies as truth. I am totally consumed with self and pity and doubt and worry, so much so that it makes me become the mother that I am so afraid I will become.
Rather than trusting in God to show me how to raise my daughter in the fear and admonition of the Lord, I compare myself to other moms who seem to have it all together, wishing I could be a mom like that. Rather than being all in with Samantha, I am worried about not doing things right, always second guessing the mother's intuition that God blesses me with. Rather than embracing these wonderful moments together as mother and daughter, I am always looking for something more, something better, like I'm slapping God in the face by not counting all of the wonderful blessings he has given me IN THIS TIME AND IN THIS PLACE RIGHT NOW.
I am such a selfish human being, who is in such great need for God's grace on a daily basis. My prayer is that God will accept the humble plea of a clueless, doubtful, insecure mother and wife, and that He would lift me out of these thoughts and feelings. I pray that I would daily give myself over to Him, thinking of pure and lovely things, trusting in The Provider to lead me and give me all that I need, reassuring me that, as long as I trust and follow Him, my family will not be left or forgotten. And that I am never on my own, God is working in me and on me, shaping me. God is behind me, in my past, in my mistakes, mercifully saving me and forgiving me. God is in my future, in where our family will be and in the life of my sweet Samantha as she grows up. With my family, my life, my future, I TRUST YOU LORD.
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